March 21, 2011

Forgetting her "Light her lighter"

As her hair swallowed her face sexily  and the cigarette dangled from those lips , her light sentimental voice spoke
"Sam you wanna know what I saw the other day?" classic introduction to her list and  claims  of what she needed.
 A method that often worked.
To name a few of her triumphs.
She wanted to move in together; she got it.
She wanted a goldfish; we got one.
She wanted; designer shoes, limited edition scarves, renovations and parties , she got them.
She was like a child you had to pay to love you. But what happened when you went broke ?
 I was scared that if I did not feed her  unesesary and incredulously expensive "needs" she would leave...and I suppose she did.Didn't she?

That's not why she left...

I play with her lighter before drifting difficultly into slumber. 
It helps.
Feeling the warmth of the steel in my palm.
Imitating The way she flicked it on and The stare she gave to me when it was lit.

That lighter had many uses.
It had lit her cigarettes, candles during our many black outs and spirit summoning ceremonies.
It also made us toast on those boring and adventurous days.

None the less ,when I was gone that same lighter helped her heat the knife before harming herself, and that week she also attempted to put my clothes on fire for revenge and ended  ruining half our apartment.

Why is it that every time I left her I ended up suffering for it and when she leaves their are no consequences.
I wish this lighter reveal all the answers  to me...
For one




B A C K ?

I'm having a hard time Forgetting her.

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